i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
