remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
