this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
