you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
