what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
