I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
