bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
