Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
