I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
