I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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