Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
