worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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