i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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