I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
