I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
