so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
