planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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