ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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