I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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