you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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