I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
