i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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