umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
