xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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