Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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