So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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