Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
