my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
