I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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