is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
