he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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