Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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