the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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