I think i peed on brittanys purse
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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