every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
