hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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