I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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