carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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