Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
