Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
