He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
