I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
