her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
