Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
