I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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