The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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