so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
