My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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