Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
