I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
