GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
