Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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