If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Someone came in the potted fern
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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