Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
