This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
