Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
