my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
