"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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