Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
