Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
