HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
