yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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