WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
