Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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