We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
