hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
