There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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