I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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