2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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