when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
